Tonight I am writing about a woman who has been a constant in my life, my mam. My grandma has been battling a horrible lung disease for many years, but two weeks ago she had to be taken to the hospital. It has been decided that she can come home with the help of a hospice nurse. I am so torn right now because I am selfish and I want her to be around to see her great grandbabies grow up to be men, but on the other hand I know she has put up a good fight and is so very tired. I am hoping for the peace that both my grandparents seek fills their hearts and maybe mine too.
I have such memories of this woman who is such a protector and nurturer. Her greatest joy is her family. She is stubborn, creative, sassy, and full of love. One of my favorite memories is seeing her standing on my doorstep to see her brand new (14 hours old) great grandson. She does not live close to me, but mam and pap decided after church they had to see this baby even if they had to drive 4 hours. She was so excited to hold her grandbaby's baby. Hearing her gush over something in my life was not unusual, but that was one of the most precious times between us.
K took me to see her this weekend. Her face lit up as we entered the room. I was happy and relieved to see her and talk to her. We didn't take the boys in the first visit, but we did "sneak" them to see her before we left to head back home. She had such joy in her face. I know I am biased about my boys, but she really seemed to glow when they piled in her way too small room.
So as I write this, tears fill my eyes and memories dance around in my mind. I am so very grateful for my mam. I have no control over how much longer she is with us; I will accept a will greater than my own to make that decision. I do not know what is best, but I have known her love my whole life and for that I will always be eternally grateful.